I have a theory...

I developed this theory back when I was running for 5Ks, half-marathons, and ultras.  It applies specifically for running through a neighborhood, but I think can also apply to walkers and cyclists.

I write it as c x r = np

Pythagerunner's Theorom is so simple, that's probably why it works.  Given the speed of any car, c, and the speed of any runner, r, and a nexus point (for example, the car's driveway or the street corner the car will turn at), the car and the runner will always meet at that np, regardless of distance. 

If I am running at 5 am, and one car turns onto the block that I am running on, it doesn't matter if I slow down or speed up, I will pass over the driveway the car is turning into at the exact time it is turning into it. 

I tested this theory on the roads of my town, and I found it to be true 80 - 90% of the time.  If I am close to the end of the block where the car is coming into, that car is going to turn into the first house just as I am running over it.  If I am running away from the car and towards the far end of the block, the car will slow down, stalk me, and THEN turn into the exact driveway that I am running across.

Of course, the simple solution to the social problems of Pythagerunner's Theorom is to not run, which is probably why I've gained so much weight...

I have a theory that avocados were the first food eaten by humans.  Therefore, fajitas was the first dish, and Mexicans were the first people.  The theory goes like this...

I had some avocados out one day and I was making guacamole.  Guacamole being green and boogerish-looking, I was trying to give my kids a reason to like it.  So I told them about this theory I had for avocaods.  See, avocados are a weird fruit and unlike anything else you eat.  Unlike oranges or apples, an avocado has this one giant nut about the diameter of a half-dollar.  And the way fruits multiply is by being eaten by an animal, which then poops out the seed somewhere else.  But avocado seeds are too big to be pooped by any living animal in the Americas that can also reach up into its tall trees.  And most of the avocado plant is poisonous.  The skin, the bark, the leaves - its all bad for you.  So scientists came up with the idea that avocados were eaten by extinct animals from the Ice Age.  Giant ground sloths, to be specific.  Giant ground sloths were tall enough to reach the branches of the avocado tree, and they could poop the seed.  But the problem is that there are no more giant ground sloths, but there are still avocados, so how did the avocado survive?  The reason is because the first humans must have learned about avocados from the sloths they hunted.  So after the hunt, they grilled some sloth flank over the fire and some creative member of the tribe spread a little green over his sloth flank and  voila! guacamole and sloth fajitas!  They loved it, and the humans began to cultivate the avocados to add to their dinner.  Clearly if the first dish was Mexican, the first humans must have been Mexican (despite what your history teachers say).

You may laugh, but we had no leftover guacamole that night.